Awww right ... I'll be good... most of the time

I am talking to myself again, and here is the deal: I cannot be a good girly-girl all the time.

I cannot talk about little flowers, and fairies, and polka dots, and "purdys", and "oh, how lovely this little world is" ALL-THE-TIME !

I cannot.

Sorry about that.

I can try - I mean - TRY  to make my observations and express my opinions in a softer manner. I tell you, Miriam, I already hold a TON, because I am careful not to hurt anyone.

Or, at least, I try to not hurt anyone.

But, you cannot expect me to have lived all these years, and still pretend that the imbecile neighbour that treats his wife like shit, and screams to the power of his lungs at his very small children does not exist.

Come here and you will see - and hear. Yep. You are here. You know.

I cannot pretend either that I don't see the other old fart, ugly son of a bitch, neighbour of ours making faces and idiotic comments to the young - YOUNG - girl that works the Register at the place where I work. The miserable tub of shit has already died and forgot to fall, and still keeps trying to rub the arms of the mentioned girl! Meanwhile, his wife walks two steps behind him, eyes down. Silent.

And, if this spot is the equivalent to an old fashioned journal, where else can I vent my indignation, and let these bugs out of my chest (from time to time), so I don't go there and tell the old bugger that he should go dig a hole?

I assure you, Miriam, that I can still see beauty. I can hear and feel beauty.

I am not bitter, or hardened at the heart.

But I can see, feel, hear and almost taste nastiness and ugliness too. And pretending it does not exist, or trying to find every excuse in the book for some one's disgusting behaviour is tough sometimes.

Sometimes one has just to let it out. It is ugly? Nasty? Tell it like it is and let's not pretend life is always rosy.

The mix between good and bad, ugly and nice, positive and negative is a constant in front of our eyes. At least, in front of mine. And I can see both, Miriam. I can distinguish what I appreciate and what I detest. If my choices are different from the rest of the world, that's one interesting thing.

And I would love to hear and get to know that other perspective - providing it is not an excuse. 

Providing it is a real perspective.

All of this conversation with myself is only meant to explain that, from time to time, I WILL express some personal opinions and I WILL make fun of what I see fit to make fun of. It is my way of venting.

Besides my husband, I have absolutely nobody to talk to about these feelings.

Except for Miriam.

 

"You can find the entire cosmos lurking in its least remarkable objects." - Wislawa Szymborska