I don't drink. I am trying to quit smoking. I don't tell lies. I don't steal. I don't maliciously hurt people just for the taste of it. If I hurt someone, in the heat of a discussion for example, I suffer with it for a long time afterwards. If I can, I make amends. I beg your pardon.
I beg.
On the other hand, I don't live a life according to whatever lines of conduct, behaviour, thinking and believing that is established by the hypocrites that abound our so called society.
If I was a man, I would NOT pinch the maid's butt when nobody was looking, and pretend to be all respectful in public.
I've made my choices. Many of them were surprising, to say the least, to those who shared my young life, my upbringing. I was different from my classmates, my cousins, my friends.
I did not hide my choices. I measured them, though. I was ready to face the consequences and such I did. Many times. While my peers sneaked out of the lines of their own rules and codes, and kept it a secret; I thought, chose and, if I was capable to endure and face the possible failure of my decision, I gave it all that my heart could give! I made my own decisions.
In the open.
I loved a few times, when I was young. I failed in all of them. I've been lied to, cheated, robbed, used, and thrown away. And laughed at. And teased. And hurt with all it's power.
I've cried till the end of my tears!
Until I found my Gordon, mind me, please. Gordon is out of this scenario. He is the true love of my life!! He is the only real love of my life.
I took it all seriously, but never chose anything out of conscious selfishness. I loved with all my heart. That's the only way I knew. In fact, I think that's all I know, to this date.
Today, I play. I finally can play.
I laugh and can actually feel free to be myself.
I did not let my heart get hard.
When your heart hardens to the point of killing the playful child inside you - you are lost!
Love ya!
10 comments:
i think i need you as my life coach. i harden my heart, put up my walls, live behind them...
god bless you!!!
Well that brought a tear to my eye and a lump to my throat. You two are truly made for each other and I totally rejoice in your good fortune. It saddens me that others have chosen to abuse your trust, but at least you know that you are now safe with this lovely man who brings out the child in you.
I feel the same about my darling Grant and thank my lucky stars for the day that we met. It might not have been so and I would have been so lonely. But our meeting was meant to be. He too brings out the child in me.
Love you too!
xx
Deep thoughts. Deep subject.
I have made my share of choices, some of them were really stupid and some of them were a good idea. I usually can't tell the difference until the aftermath. :-)
XXX
Yay GORDON!
And Im happy for you that you have a lifelong playmate!
Unless you were born a prom queen, most of us have had our share of hurt and pain.
I've come to realize that I'm happy with who I am, whether I'm loved or not, have a partner or not, have family beside me or not.
Walls are sometimes necessary to keep the unwanted out. I don't believe I'll ever let down the final wall. Just not in me.
Great post. Things to think about, for sure. :)
For a minute I thought Nancy had written porn queen!....Lovely post, hurray for Gordon the God. xxx
i'm thrilled you've found your match! we've all struggled to be where you are today. many never find the patience to get there.
blogging is a wonderful outlet. we open ourselves up to strangers, and those who don't find anything to like, can just move on. those who stick around, see something in you worth getting to know. ;o)
You've got it, sweet Bon Bon.
I am very happy to have friends that come here because they want to. Relief is one click away, isn't it?
This post was intented to explain the reason I was such a clown on the previous one. I have to improve my English! I'm feeling that sometimes I do not express myself right.
Love ya, lady.
wow, cool post...i like your attitude...
Well said - very honest
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